Garth McQueen  07/02/2003 09:16:50 AM

I AM CANADIAN....until last weekend Mark, I could not make that statement. 
From ocean to ocean, I have travelled and seen what this great country has 
had to offer but NOT till I ventured forth to Smithville could I have said 
" I AM CANADIAN" with confidence.

The second annual PoultryFest took place and I was a thrilled attendee...I 
saw a giant community come together to support this event. And as Bruce 
and I discussed, not only were they giants, but I am sure I saw Bingo 
Dappers hanging out of their pockets. They actually had to get Large Field 
Wagons to move these heffers from venue to venue.

The highlight of the day was to be the Chicken Chariot Races, but what I 
was not prepared for was the preceding event. At times the air around you 
actually disappeared while everyone gasped at the spectical of the EGG 
CATCH.  A uniquely constructed platform was used to elevate the EGG 
DROPPER to astounding heights from which the DROPPER would release the 
EGG.  Now it really gets interesting...the drop of the egg would normally 
be enough to have grown Smithvillians faint, but GADZUCKS, they introduced 
the EGG CATCHER to spice it up even more. 

Contestants from far and wide were there to see what height they could 
pluck the DROPPED egg from it's impeding doom without crushing the shell. 
It reminded me of when Superman would fly down a building to save Lois 
Lane who had been dropped out a window.  Well back to the event. The 
platform continued to rise in order to elimate the many wannabees. Alas, 
many an egg was splattered upon the ground. I can recall tearfully, 
hearing so many times from the crowd......."That's my Baby". and then that 
sickly sound of scrambled eggs. This is too gory so I will move on to let 
you know that the winning height was 38"10" and yes this kid had 
Spider-like qualities. 

THE FINALE:  CHICKEN CHARIOT RACES

There is too much tell so I must condense this, least they shut my mail 
file down.  Not sure which was more spectacular...the Chariots or the 
Chickens.  The Chariots ranged from Chariot..to Sponge Cowboy Bob and (my 
favourite) the Kentucky Fried Tub...and the Chickens....there big ones, 
small ones, fat legs, skinny legs, some with teeth, some with no 
teeth...ooops. that was the locals.  At the end of each race, all would 
rise in the stands and would in unison yell "Give Us Your Losers" again, 
sounding like a Charlton Heston Movie "Give Us Barabos".  After many 
heats, a winner was declared. It could have been made more exciting if 
they would have passed out Forks to the crowd and incourage them to incent 
the Chickens to move by dodging the stabbings.  Mark, the most fun was 
watching the Chickens that got lose being chased by the owners et al.  
This was better than any greased Pig contestant that Bruce has also been to.

All in all it was great day and everyone should venture forth next year. 
Where else could you go to a Poultry Fest and end up having Hamburgers for lunch.!!!